From The Comic's Comic

A Piffany about what advertisers think they can sell you on TV in NYC already in 2022

What are the odds that all four NFL playoff games last weekend would end so dramatically and so wildly?

Wait, don’t tell me the odds.

Never tell me the odds.

Thanks, Han.

Thing is, though: It’s kind of inescapable, avoiding the idea that everything’s a gamble, or even worse, that this is the perfect time to risk it all, right now as we begin the THIRD YEAR of the COVID-19 pandemic. Most inescapable if you watch TV. Especially so far in 2022. Maybe even more so in the New York City media market?!?

If you’d asked me before now, I’d tell you I see way too many TV commercials about pharmaceutical companies trying to sell me drugs, insurance companies, beer, fast-food and pizza. But then again, I’m typically only watching “TV” in the old-fashioned sense of live network and cable stations when it’s either sports or the news, so yeah, of course beer, fast-food and pizza during sports, and pills and insurance during news. Right? And cell phone plans all the time. That’s just cynical conventional wisdom talking. And iSpot.TV, the company that loves to measure TV ads and their engagement, would back me and us up on that. Their year-end report for 2021, in fact, found that Liberty, Liberty, Liberty…Liberty Mutual and GEICO topped the most-seen ads list, with Flo from Progressive and Allstate also in the top 10. Domino’s, McDonald’s, Subway, Taco Bell, Wendy’s and Sonic driving in the fast-food ads en masse, for sure. T-Mobile and Verizon? Of course. But no Big Pharma ads made the cut, nor did Big Beer, and only one car brand in the top 20. Hmmm.

As someone who writes recaps of Saturday Night Live, I’ve noticed when I’ve traveled just how differently the ad breaks feel for viewers outside of NYC versus inside the Big Apple.

But this month, thanks to the Omicron surge and a new rule letting gambling operations begin hawking mobile and online sportsbooks in New York, the nation’s largest media market has gone bonkers as just about every 30 seconds that’s not about insurance or fast-food is begging me to bet all of my money on the big game, or bet my future on getting the vaccines and the boosters, or wait, I suppose insurance and fast-food are trying to talk me either into or out of betting my life on bad decisions, too. Huh!

What really prompted this piffany for me? Seeing the seemingly ubiquitous ads for gambling employ stand-up comedians and comedy to convince me to part with my money over football, basketball or whatever other sport might be floating the over/under for your proverbial boat.

Here in NYC, the onslaught began with JB Smoove as Caesar and Patton Oswalt as one of his grateful plebes. First they teased us with cash and prizes.

Then they brought in Halle Berry as Cleopatra to moderate JB’s riffing on the Manning family.

Then they did an obligatory spot with the Mannings to remind you to gamble “responsibly.”

But enough of that foolishness. Let’s bring back the fool, “Carl,” to make gambling seem fun.

Just makes me wonder if Carl exists in the same universal family as Oswalt’s Big Fan sad sack. Probably, right?

DraftKings, meanwhile, brought together Martin Lawrence and Kristen Schaal, plus McLovin’ (yes, I know and you know I know his name is Christopher Mintz-Plasse, but sometimes these character names just stick, you know?). More recent DraftKings TV spots have given us the fun image of Jerry Rice busting in with a bucket of sports drink to dump on your head to celebrate a big bet.

The MGM Grand already had Jamie Foxx coming at us a year ago.

Even more egregiously outrageous than tricking us into gambling with comedy? Getting the professional sports franchises themselves to endorse betting on them!!!?!?!?

I mean, what is there to lose????

Other than whatever integrity or dignity the sports had before…

But cheer up! If you’re in NYC, you also get handy reminders to wear a mask to avoid getting sick in the pandemic. TWO YEARS into the pandemic the city still needs to put out PSAs to get numbnuts to take some personal responsibility for their place in decent society.

Actually, cheer up. For real.

There is another way. You Bet Your Life, there is.

I guess I thought this game show, originally hosted by Groucho Marx, briefly revived a generation ago by Bill Cosby, and now back in syndication with Jay Leno (7:30 p.m. weeknights on FOX in NYC, check your local listings otherwise) was something else entirely? You Bet Your Life doesn’t involve any big risks or bluffing or hardly much of anything…it might just be the easiest, lowest-stakes game show ever conceived. The show pairs you with another contestant to work as a team, answering a series of benign trivia questions for half of the half-hour. That’s it. There’s a “secret word” with corporate sponsorship that Leno will gently try to goad the contestants into saying halfway through. I suppose it’s nice to know, at least, that Kevin Eubanks continues to stick by Leno’s side, literally sitting side by side, this sidekick.

I suppose we get the comfort food TV we deserve.

We deserve better.